NOT pregnant :D

I finally was able to stay after school and go to CVS and get a pregnancy test! It came in a pack of two, I was so relieved to find that I am NOT carrying a baby. Thank goodness! My parents don't know and now they don't have to. I am relieved to not be freaking out, and not have it keep me up at night, just filled with stress. I am thankful.

I'm trying to convince myself that I don't want or need a guy in my life. I mean, I am only in high school, yet who am I kidding? hormones are in their highest. The guy I facebooked hasn't responded. He's been online since I messaged him. Also, it's been almost 2 weeks. I would be an idiot to make up excuses. He doesn't like me. I am not hurt really. Disappointed that it's not going to happen... maybe a little. There's still that guy in history whom my friend says that he looks that he likes me, highly doubt it though. I always manage to only get the geeky guys to like me, usually. That's about it.  will admit, my boyfriends never were cute looking. :P Maybe I'll catch a break sometime. So that's my love life... pretty bland. At least my heart won't be broken by a reckless boy (no offence to the boy readers).  keep trying to think I am better off alone, but I can't deny that I miss the feeling of love and sweet kisses of reckless love. Yet I will be more careful this time from after my stressful experience with might have been pregnant. I hope I am not boy crazed. I yearn for a guy, yet I am not desperate. I also like the idea of being strong and independent. I don't need a man to make me happy and all of that crap. I mean it is nice to be in a relationship, but I don't need it. I need to stop feeling pressure about it. My friend has a relationship, so does my X-best friend. :P ugh... I guess it's just my time to be the one... single.

O well.... life moves on and I have to memorize stuff for mock trial :) well, bye.



Sincerely,

Shelly

Heart Still Beats by Brave Saint Saturn-

A lot on my plat

I feel like I have a lot on my plate, but I also feel like I'm just complaining and I really don't. For Mock Trial I have to memorize my entire witness statement (3 pages long) word for word as well as my direct questions. I have to memorize my song for my pageant as well as write about my platform and the "application" of what the judges will see. This is what I have to do before Saturday :P O and also I have homework, so for science I have a project I need to work on and finish before November 5th (I think).

My parents are not doing well i communicating with me. It's starting to frustrate the heck out of me. I asked my mom if I could do something for Halloween with my friends and this was a month ago. Last week my mom finally responded and said no. She already made up her mind weeks ago, but forgot to tell me. Hmmmm that shows responsibility. Also, I had plans on selling my Nintendo DS with a lot of games and accessories. So I told my mom and she took it and put it somewhere so later we could sell it (I did not know where she put it though). She told me today that she put it up on Craig's list for $100 and that she has a person who called and seems interested. This was the first I heard that she put it on there. She did not tell me or ask me how much to be priced for. COMMON SENSE!!! is to tell your daughter this since... geesh I don't know, it's her stuff. but her mind process was on getting it gone. Point is I could probably make a little more than $100, but the main thing was it she neglected to ask me or at the very least, tell me. This is the sort of thing I have to put up with.

My parents think that they can just talk to each other and leave me out of it, yet they get mad at me because apparently I'm not acting like a member of the family. Well how am I supposed to act like a member when I get left behind. I try to be available to talk to when I am home. If my mom needs something even though I have a billion of things to do. Like today I had homework to start and finish before I had to leave for Mock Trial practice, yet my mom wanted to talk to me, so I helped her for a while and it didn't leave me much time to finish homework and eat. I had to eat in the car. Which if fine, but I am saying that I am completely open enough to where they can talk. My one petpeive though, is when I am in the middle of something, like homework and they want to interrupt me... heck no! I am in the zone, it's like running. If you stop it is hard to start again. Or when my parents tell me t go do something, so I'm in the middle of doing it and they call me over to go look at something. :P HUGE petpeive!

I dofeel lke I complain a ton on here, but this blog is a way to get my feelings out... So it is probably supost to seem that way i guess.

Sincerely,

Shelly

Here I have URL link for a photo... It is a picture of a 3rd world country and I swear if you veiw this picture (it's not graphic... just tragic) you will never want to complain again. If you thought your life was bad, this is.... just horrific. I do encourage you to see this.

http://flatrock.org.nz/topics/odds_and_oddities/ultimate_in_unfair.htm

Behind the Wheel and freaking out

 I shall welcome the new follower :) hello!

So yesterday was very eventful! I had pageant rehearsal from 8am to 11:30am, then my 1st behind the wheel from 1pm to 3pm, finally my 2nd pageant rehearsal of the day from 5pm to 8:30pm. So for about 12 hours I was on the go!

I probably should tell about my 1st behind the wheel. I got an old guy who was from some weird country and had an accent that was hard to tell what he was saying! Ya just my luck, but I can now drive pretty decently :) and I can legally drive! Now I have o drive with my parents :P ewwwwwy! That should be interesting.

~My Love Life~ (which is as flat as a pancake)
So far the guy I like still hasn't responded. I had facebooked him on monday and so it has been 6 days thus far. I'm not going to sugar coat it for myself...I am started to beleie that he doesn't like me. My friend is trying to say well he probably doesn't know how to respond, and is a little shy. Excuses, if that was to b true... I'd be the exception. My friend says that ths guy in our history class looks like he might like me. She says that he has that look to him that he does. Ironic thing is, I used to like him in 8th grade. We texted a lot ad I asked him to he Middle-School dance nd he delind. He ended up being someone elses and they went out for afew months. He is super cute... Blonde with blue eyes, manly looking, likes soccer A LOT, muscular. Just after I got over him in 8th grade, I never really concidered him like that. Maybe if I hadn't deleted his number, I'd text him and get to know him more. I still really like that guy in my vocal ensomble class though. :P he needs to respond to my facebook message :'( booo-hooo! XP

Stress is eating me alive!

I don't think I am pregnant, yet it is really bothering and making me stress. I have a little more tummy then what I normally have, yet that is the only "sign" and that I have my period in awhile (but I haven't had regular yet.... but a little TMI especially for the guys, sorry!). I feel like stress is eating me away. I'll have to wait till at least Monday and hope that my friend's mom got the pregnancy test! Ugh it really sucks, I outright hate this feeling. I am scared, I'll admit it. I want to talk to my ex-boyfriend, yet I don't want to scar him until I know for sure. I also want someone to talk to about it, and it seems like him and my friend are my only options.

I had to get some black dressy pants. I am not a fancy type of person since jeans and a t-shirt are my preference. It was interesting trying to look for stuff. As my mom saw me try on a few dresses she did say that my stomach was a little pouched out, yet she thinks it's because I need more nutrition in my diet. I hope that's what it is, just fat and nothing more. I feel horrible!

Sincerely,

Shelly

Candle light by Relient K



Have you ever felt like you have so much going in your life to the point where it's like you have no life?? My friend's mom is going to buy the pregnancy test and hopefully my friend will have it tomorrow. She is my one person who I ca trust not to tell anyone. I don't think I'm pregnant now, I just think I had a little scare when my belly seemed a little larger that day. But I do know I will be more careful if the next time will roll around before I'm married. Also the guy I like hasn't responded to my Facebook yet :P I asked him for his number. Thank you gorgousme! I used your advice.... now all I can do is wait. :s

~Comment Time~ (I'm so happy!!!)


To- Aimee Katherine ("That's awful! Sure, receiving discounts might be a nice reward but shouldn't people just be glad they got a good grade? I totally agree with you!" on Agrument with Parents About being a Teenager)

I know right? Thank god someone understands my logic! My dad is a firm, stubborn believer that you shouldn't care what others think, but I can tell you that teenagers typically aren't as thick skinned. Plus, ok so you get rewarded for being a good test taker. Well I am naturally dyslexic and so test taking isn't my strong suit, yet most dyslexics have high IQ's. So the way it was working wasn't based on smarts, just can you test well. Than goodness they realized that it didn't work because of the privacy for the test results. You can also look the story up online, and see other peoples sides of the story aside from mine. Also thank you for your opinion :)

 

Sincerely,

Shelly

This is just a funny poem I saw on Facebook-


 I look at the stars and I see you,
I look at the moon and I see you,
I look at the trees and I see you,
Please step aside, you are blocking my view.

Agrument with Parents About being a Teenager

Tonight I had an argument with my dad about teenagers and how they feel how they "don't fit in", and also about bullying and labeling. At a public school in California, on their school I.D card and binder would have a certain color; white, green(i don't know for sure if it really was green, but doesn' really matter), and black. The colors were based on how high you scored on the California State Standards Test. If you received black on your I.D card and binder, that would mean that you scored high on the test and get discounts on school functions (sports games, dances, ect.), as well as a few things outside of school, as well a have a separate line for the cafeteria. If you received green, you tested average on the test and would earn some discounts, and also have a separate line for the cafeteria. As you can guess, white means that you did not score well on the test, therefor you have no discounts and have the regular line in the cafeteria (which is worse). So lets recap.... Black card means you get the best of the best because you tested better than average. Green card meas you get the medium quality because you tested average, and white card means that you get the worst because you tested poorly. The CST has nothing to do with your grade or placement in classes, instead it is a way for the school to gt more money if they have the best scores.


The cards not only make people treated better or worse in public schools, yet it also causes segregation, and another reason to be labeled. Your test scores and your grades should be something private between the student, teacher, and parent(s)/guardian. Being in separate lines and getting discounts does not make it private.


My opinion was mainly put out there when I told you the story so it is a little biest. My dad's is that yes, it is not fair to be having discounts and to be treated better or worse because of it, but there is always something that people are going to label you under, so who cares if people label the other because of the card...... well for me why create yet another thing for people to label another as. There is already so many, why add another. (If you are reading this, post you opinion about it)


My dad doesn't understand why teens have to fit in. He says stay true to yourself and everything will fall in place. Well most teens opinions.... it doesn't work that way. You better fit in otherwise high school will become living hell. I don't change who am to fit in. I am thought of as school as a geek; a straight A student (I am not at all though) because I have my supplies mostly all the time, I don't cuss, I don't usually talk in class. I am very outgoing, yet in class I do focus on schoolwork, so people who don't know me very well think I am anti-social. I am thought of as a slut because I have a lot of guy friends, yet I am also known as a very nice person since I don't cuss and I'm very tolerant of people and have quiet a bit of passonts. I personally don't have a lot of friends right now and people think I am awkward and strange, even though I do everything right to be a good kid, and am nice. I don't think dumbing myself down, being mean, cussing, being a disturbance in class is the best way to go. I am not ugly or a large person, so it's not looks. Maybe my hair is curly ad hard to tame and not straight, but I am not going to spend 2 hours every day to do that.

Sincerely,

Shelly

P.S- I have decided that at the end of every post I'm going to put a song, poem, quote, joke, ect.... just something that I thought funny or that I enjoy that I am going to share with you, since I love my viewers :) just another way for your entertainment.
Also I have desided to do my posts in different fonts and colors (if there is a font/color that is hard to read le me know and I will change it). Once I find a font that best fits my blog I might keep it to that one. So send in your votes on what font or color that you would like to have my blog on (if you can let me know how to get more fonts on here... I just realized that I only have 7 choices :P boring)

This is a song that I particularly like. I enjoy music and appreciate it. Not only can I rad music, but I sing and play piano (one of these days I'll put my stuff up here so you can listen to it :)

Song- The Reason  by Hoobastank

Worried

I am slightly freaking out.... I am hoping that I can't possibly be pregrant. I have noticed tonight, that my belly is slightly bigger and my breasts are slightly tender. I hope that I am just being hypersensitive. I don't know how I can get that prengacy test thing, how can I go sneak out and get it?? maybe I can ride my bike to school one day and tell my mom that I am going to stay after school for awhile. I am scared! I do not need this at all. I have too much to worry about and I have no idea what I would do if I was pregnant. Would I seem like a slut at school? would I have an abortion and kill an innocent child just because of my mistake with my boyfriend? I hope to god that I can't possibly be pregnant.

~Comment Time!
-To(Assia (GorqqeousMee) "Im commenting :) i think you should just ask for his number,.i dont think boys think its creepy. "Just be like since your not on facebook that much just text me/call me" that simple :) sorry about your ex best friend. thats part of the reason i dont call them bestfriends because it seems like eventually you guys stop being friends. the one person who was my best friend......we.. illl just say we dnt talk.. ever since this little mishap happened last year..i just say friend unless we get really close then its a sister/fam thing... sorry if this is a long comment,. just giving advice. btw you should read my blog too,. ALSO CONGRATS ON YOUR DRIVING TEST!! omg that makes me wish i could get mine...and that makes me want a job lol. - Asiaa :)"  on The DMV)

Assia, first I LOVE your username, haha t is so cute :D and two huh... tha advice of yours might just work. I'll give that a shot... smooth. Ya about the best friend thing, we were pretty close, but o well. I am sorry to hear about your x-best friend last year. I hope you found someone else who appreichates you more :) and no not at all, I love commnts and will always respond to them in the next post (even if that meas editing my post so that way itshows my responce haha). I would love to read your blog and I hope you like min as well. I've noticed that I have a lot of posts for people to read and I hope you find that I am improving every step of the way. And also, depending on your age, you can be able to drive and have  job. If you aren't of age yet, well don't wish your life away just yet. Enjoy what you have, because the older you get, it gets more difficult and stressful. Thank you so much for your post and advice, seriously I a excited to use it! Thanks a ton :)

Sincerely,

Shelly

The DMV

So even though my followers had increased to 10, there's still no comments to respond to....
:'( boo-hoo!

Well I was able to chat with my mom on Saturday night about school and about the family. I think I may have a little more trust with my mom. I am actually staring to believe that she can handle everything now about what goes on with my life (well not everything, just the big things). She doesn't even get defensive if I say something that involves her and she actually will hear me out. She cares! :D and you all may think of that as no big deal, but for me I'm not quite as privileged and don't have Strong communication with the family. We hardly talk when we are all together at dinner, let alone talk at all as the family.

At school what has been going on.....
Well ever since me and "best friend" got in that little miscommunication, we have become more distant. I don't hang out with that group anymore at lunch, just at break. At lunch I have been hanging out with this girl I  made friends with this year. She's in my PE and History class. I feel bad for her, since her conditions at home aren't very good. Her dad died of cancer when she was in 6th grade. Her mom couldn't afford the house ad now can't really afford much of anything at the moment. She are living at my friend's x-boyfriend's house, while her mom is out looking for a way to get money. Lately she hasn't seen much of her mom, yet she's not mad. She knows hr mom is doing the best she can. I feel bad for both o the. My friend can't enjoy the simple things about high school, like going to a football game because it costs $3 to get in and she can't even pay that much. When I get my allowance, I'm going to just pay for some things like that. $3 is nothing, yet it gives her something to look back at when she's older. I guess we are becoming more like best friends.

The guy who I like and have facebooked and occasionally walked up to and had a more than brief talk with, well he did reply back on Sunday night. Apparently he didn't go to homecoming, so keeping that in mind, he didn't go with anyone, which means he's still on the market. I hope we can talk more than 1 message to each other per 3 to 4 days (he's not on facebook very much, only to check notifications every once and a while). I want to ask for his number.... but that would probably freak him out a little, I'm not quiet sure that it would be wise to ask just yet. I wish I could get to know him more.

I got some new nail polish yesterday, and also the Sally Hansen nail art pen... I'll have to take  picture and show you my 1st attempt and the nail pen.... It's not bad, yet mastering the pen is difficult!

Today I took my DMV test and I PASSED! I got 4 wrong, but that's it. Even the lady at the desk said that she was impressed. It's not valid until I gt my 1st behind the wheel training... I'm a little scared, especially to drive with my parents. I don't want to even picture how many arguments can happen with my dad. But I am so happy that I passed! My parents even said that they were proud of me :D SCORE! Yes, I am happy.

Sincerely Your New Driver,

Shelly <3

My Saterday Night

Well it's homecoming night and guess who is staying home? Of course I am. I wonder why no one asked me. Maybe a lot of people aren't going, or maybe the guy(s) that like me were too shy. Yet I do think I'm pretty approachable and also, not to be thinking too highly of myself....  I might go as far as saying that I'm kind of pretty. I really don't really like to think too highly of myself. Maybe I'll get a better chance with winter  formal.

Sincerely,

Shelly 

Smiling even though on the inside, it's turned upside down

(you can find the tittle as a page on fb and click like)
We all have felt alone and that we have to put a smile for a face, to convince people we are alright, but why? Why put on an act? It is ok to feel the way you feel and should rightfully show it. Or maybe we Smile because we don't want people to notice and give sympathy or maybe because if they ask "what's wrong", we don't know how or what to say.

Don't know exactly why, but I feel depressed. It seems that my friends and I are growing apart. I only have one Friend who I hang out with at lunch, yet sometimes her friend will join us and i can't help, but feel a little jealous as I then become the 3rd wheel. I want to move, to a different school... better yet, a different state. One that is green and pretty, not the suburb style city. To start fresh.

Still no date for homecoming. The guy I sort of have a crush on... Well we talked on facebook for only a few messages. I'm hoping I can keep the conversation going and I also hope that he will reply. I've been told that he is shy and awkward, yet in my class when he is with his other guy buddies, he seems just fine and talks not a lot, but some. I'm hoping if we talk for about a week on facebook, I can get his number, but maybe.... it's a possibility.

I've been so busy lately with everything, I forgot if I mentioned in my last post all of the things I'm involved in (can depression happen if your too busy?). I'm in Mock trial, a pageant for the city, 4 clubs at school, Vocal Ensemble, trying out for Occ apella group, my brother's wedding, and drivers ed class... and don't forget the homework and things at home, like taking care of my ferret and play with him for a few hours a day. Yet, I can't sleep till late because since I've been so busy, 1st you need some down time before sleep. I get about 6 hours of sleep... I need to start drinking coffee ha ha.

My mind always wants to do the opposite then the tasks that I need to focus on. I always want to stall for a few hours before doing homework. It is hard to just do it.

Today I had to go to 0 period weights to make up for PE since I was absent (my cold, remember :P) so I had t be there with at least 25 guys and one girl who was lesbian (nothing wrong with liking the same sex, i know). I think some guys were checking me out O.o and I am sure they appreciated my work out short-shorts a smidge too much. I saw them lift 120 pounds and think, wooow they could lift me and then some, while I'm over in my little area, lifting 35 pounds. That's not even the bar, which is 45 thank you very much! I felt too weak. I might do weights next year since PE would no longer be available and I don't have time for sports, and since I'd like to stay in shape, it might be a good idea. Though it might be awkward being in a class with all guys, but maybe 2 or 3 girls, at least I'd get to see all the buff boys work their muscles ;) ha ha. Yet I wonder if I'll like the attention of their stares. I know I'd have to work hard to earn their respect for me as a classmate in that particular class.

It is making me mad that my dad will act like a jerk one day, yet the next he is acting like everything is right in the world. There is no closer, he just talks to mom and she tells me why dad behaved a certain way. He needs some balls and to talk to me, not mom. I feel bad that she is in the middle, she shouldn't have to be. It's unfair to her. I am afraid that my mom will stop listening to me and stop being on my side. That she will stop protecting me against dad. She has only just started doing that, and that is why I am so afraid to loose that. That is the hope i cling to, without that, dad would probably slap me again and eventually work his way up to abuse. I still don't trust him. Every time he is behind me, i flinch because he always will poke me in the side (his way of teasing) to tickle me, yet it'll be while m eating or in the middle of something. Being poked in the side is not fun, it sometimes hurts. I do not like the way e treats me. I kiss his butt, yet he says that I treat him like crap and he gets mad at me. He has a habit now of saying to me "I'm sick of you treating me like shit. You are acting like a bitch". Yes, that is exactly what a daughter wants to hear when she tries so hard for her family. More than than he would know, since he spends his time ridiculing and watching T.V

Also I noticed some new followers. :D welcome, enjoy my blog... Also in reality, I'm not this negitive. I really am positive and just bottle up the negitive and let it expload here. Well enoy this post.

Sincerely,

Shelly

The accward moment when you realize that the movies is just a glamed up version of reality

What was I expecting? A handsome guy that I don't even know to sweep me off my feet and ask me to go to homecoming? So what! i wasn't asked, it's not the end of the world. The guy I seem to sorta like... well he knows I exist, but not much beyond that. Perhaps I walk up to him and say "hey whats up?", but that's a little... ODD! someone you don't even know walks up to you and wants to start a conversation with you, usually doesn't happen. "hi... I think your cute", O HECK NO! That's making your way into creeper status. How on earth should a girl get to know a guy and give hints that are big enough so he can see them, but not to overwhelming to the point where he is freaked out. As simple as a greeting may seem, it is actually most complicated. It is when the other person has their first judgement of you, whether it may be accurate or not. Well I guess I was sort of hoping for high school to be a fairy tale and somehow I'd be Cinderella with a dashing, lovely prince. Well I guess I needed to wake up and smell the world's polluted air, it's high school... full of zits and hormones, not the movies in Hollywood. For now, I am done with love. Maybe I will pick it up again when I'm in collage or maybe later. For now, I'm sick of it. Maybe I just need to realize that I don't need to get a man. I'm lil Miss. Independent. Who knows, but I thought a guy could maybe just ask me, and maybe it would possibly be the guy that I've been eyeing in class. But why get my hopes up?

Sincerely,

Shelly <3 (aka the one with no love life :P)

P.S- any advice about what I should do about my crush would be appreciated, thanks.

Achue! O no, not a cold! XP

Homecoming is next Saturday, and I haven't even been asked yet :( 2 of my closest friends even got asked. I might not go since most of my friends either got asked or is not going. O well, I've got a lot of recorded shows I can catch up on I guess.

My ehh not really best friend anymore, she broke up with my best guy friend. Right after she did, she called me and made sure that I wouldn't go out with him since apparently she's jealous of me. Well what the heck?? Why is a best friend jealous?? They shouldn't be. Well anyway, He and I went to the football game alone (it wasn't a date, i swear. It was just a guy and a girl being friends and hanging out. Trust me it is POSSIBLE). She called me after that saying that she had several witnesses saying that we were flirting and asked if we were dating. She got upset over that and got pissed at him and I, not giving us a chance to explain ourselves at all. Very accusatory! Well she later appoligized, but the fact that she didn't beleive me because she is jealous.... I mean, come on! You should, I don't know... Trust! your friend a little more. I've done so much for her. So we'll see how that turns out

This one guy told me that he likes me, but he doesn't want a relationship though. So I don't know what he wants from me. He hasn't had his firt kiss yet, so I know he isn't looking for sex. He's most likely not ready for that stage in the game haha. I don't really know if I like him. When I'm around him and it's just the two of us, Yeah I kinda want to be with him, but I think that if it's just only then, then I don;t think I truely like him. He's nice though, and really out going. I do say though.... he's not that good looking though. O well.

I have been so busyt this month..... I'm in Mock Trial at high school, which has practice on tuesdays and thusedays from 5pm-8pm, Also a pagent for the city to be the outstanding teen and they have rehersals every saterday, and then also drivers Ed. class on saterdays as well from 9 to 4.... this is probabily why I am sick! i just got blessed with a cold two days ago and stayed at home, sick yesterday haha. O well, I hope I get better soon.

Yesterday, I was trying to tell my parents a story about school, and my dad interupted me because I said "like", and I know he is trying to break me of the habit. But I think it's a little rude to interupt someone when they are in the middle of a comversation. I've had enough of him not letting me talk, so I left the room. I said "alright" and left. Then latter that night, I sat weith my family and shared the coutch with my dad. He picked at everything I did. If i talked, he would tell me to shut up, but if my mom talked or my grandma, he wouldn't say anything (yes, my grandma is visiting for the weekend). So I finally had enough (by the way, it wasn't just the talking, I'd just be sitting there and I'd be going sometghing wrong), I just left because I didn't want to take it anymore. Also today, I was planning on just wearing sweet pants to the pagent rehersal, yet my mom told me not to when I woke up this morning. She said that she just found out that I need to wear what I am planning on wearing for the talent postion, so I was running a minut behind and my dad said that I need better time managment skills. Gesh! how about a goodmorning :), but no i get this little lovely thing said at me. Well what the heck! So in thew car my dad said you don't need to stress so much. It's only one little thing (the sencond thing my dad said to me all day, yet other little "lovely" thing) I was only "stressing" because I didn't know that my mom had taken my CD, which I needed for the rehersal and put it in the car. So gave me a big lecture about that, and I was so fed up with him at that point. He has done nothing but bicker about me lately! So i've finnally had it with him. Mom has told him to stop being such a donkey towards me and realize that I can not meet his expectations, since he expects a perfect robot daughter. I am just done with him. I will be nice and say hello, good-bye, and goodnight, reply when he asks questions, but other than that, if he wants anything personal from me and wants a father daughter relationship, he is going to have to work for it since I am tired giving him chance after chance to make it right.